monday com(mute)

In rapid succession: a bike delivery guy with an obvious but not clearly definable impairment (jaundice?) audibly smacking his jowls and grin-drooling at a fellow pedestrian in the shortest of shorts (under-cleavage); a ~15 year old chocolate Lab with terminal arthritis being coaxed forward in painful increments by a middle aged man holding what appears to be a hunk of processed meat product while two women flanking the dog laugh and one of them says "you'd get her to run if it was a steak!" and the dog briefly but meaningfully stares at the oncoming adjacent traffic and for a second you understand the only place she really wants to hobble; a robust woman in rhinestone-encrusted MC Hammer pants and ~10 inch heels stopping every other step and doing a wobbly 360-degree spin move and shouting "OHHHH GIRLLL!" until an equally robust woman (presumably an acquaintance) in sweatpants and clutching a small child approaches and says "day-um, where you get those, they look GOOO-OD on you child!" with undertones so venomous as can only be produced by a robust, out-dressed, MC-Hammer-pants-less woman.