You should be my friend on Twitter (@ChrisVola). Or follower, whatever. We may not know each other. Maybe you hate me. Maybe we sucked face and I never talked to you again. Maybe you're a 14-year-old Russian hacker trying to access my personal information through the blog (good luck, won't find much there you commie bastard!). I will embrace you all. Even Mexicans. Especially Mexicans.
What do you have to look forward to as my follower? Oh I don't know, a couple to several tweets a day, ranging from links to useless crap I find interesting, links to assorted junk that other people think is worth putting on other Web sites, links to blog posts like this one! Pretty much a lot of links. Also, an array of provocative, authoritative nuggets of truth about my favorite sports teams and any media object (book/movie/CD/concert/foxnews article/porn movie) with which I may have interacted that has been momentarily worthwhile in the glorious scheme of my life. And some weird conversations with my boys Willie aka Primetime Slimetime and the Party King. Things that make me no different than any other pale sucker wasting his time on Twitter.
Actually, I thought Twitter was pretty damn dumb until recently. But it's actually cool for news updates, following comedians and fake celebrities, sending direct messages, keeping up with your favorite band/writer/politician, finding interesting people, wasting time in cubicle-land, what you do already. Also, a bunch of other reasons that sound lame until you try them out. ALSO, publishing companies and presses are starting to ask for how many Twitter buddies you have when you submit a manuscript. I have 25 friends. Which sucks. It's kind of like the kid who brings cream of corn soup or steamed brussel sprouts to lunch and expects to trade them for my chocolate AND vanilla Handi-Snacks. And he has a cleft lip. And he smells like rabbit pee. Fuck that kid. Stay away from him! Some of my friends aren't even real people, they're just advertisements for porn sites disguised as sweethearts with big boobs.
So, in the end, this is all about ME.
If you're not convinced, here are some more reasons why you should join Twitter/follow me:
- If you follow me, I will follow you (sounds like a gay 80s jam), giving you one more
- If you're new to Twitter, you can follow me (thus giving you one automatic follower). Some porn advertisers will probably take notice and follow you, too. You'll have more friends! You'll be on the road to success! In Twitter!
- You can get a book/movie/TV/music/stripping deal!
- MikeFrancesaNY, GaryJBusey, SarahKSilverman
Oh yeah, I carved this pumpkin. This is what it looked like before it started to rot and resemble a toothless Corky from Life Goes On:
And I tweeted it.
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