I Wanted To Go There

If X is the sum of two or more differentiating equations, and if I didn’t write the answer in my graphing calculator, and if graphing calculators served a purpose, and if one of those purposes was paying my bills, and if I sold my graphing calculator on eBay, and if I got enough money to pay my bills, and if I spent everything on a fifth and three dimebags, and if I got drunk, and if I got stoned, and if I got stoned, and if Mr. Jones shut off the water, and if Mr. Jones shut off the electricity, and if Mr. Jones shut off the gas, and if I got stoned, and if my parents lived in Connecticut, and if I took a Greyhound, and if we saw a homeless black man passed out in the road, and if the kid next to me had an Incredible Hulk blanket, and if we stopped in Fredricksburg, and if we stopped in Baltimore, and if we stopped in New York, and if my parents were gone for the weekend, and if I slept on the couch in the TV room, and if I got drunk, and if I broke Dad’s collection of 19th century whiskey glasses, and if my parents came home while I was looking through their closets, and if I walked a half mile to Grandma’s condo, and if we’re one happy family (well sure we are), and if Grandma asked me why the trees look so big this year, and if the trees really did look so big this year, and if leaves synthesize carbon dioxide from light energy, and if the Moon doesn’t have any carbon dioxide, and if they build a colony on the Moon in 2024, and if I wanted to go there, and if a space shuttle’s ticket price was comparable to flying from Newark to West Palm Beach, and if the density of atmosphere gradually decreases as the altitude increases, and if I got sick from space travel, and if I vomited on an astronaut, and if he hit the wrong button while cleaning his boots, and if we got sucked into a vacuum, and if the word VACUUM didn’t feel so slippery, and if there wasn’t any afterlife in space, and if that idea didn’t sound too bad, and if most ideas don’t sound too bad, and if ideas are combinations of words, and if words are more fun than calculus, then X equals 7.