Thank Allah and E! News for the opportunity

So I just got back from shall we say a brief jaunt in the Outer Banks of North Carolina with my buddies Chucky the Greek and Uncle Tony aka Bootnechi. The amount of irreversible damage done to my liver, wallet, and self-respect is still being calculated, and needless to say, I'm happy to have made it back in mostly one piece with only a gross sunburn and an addiction to Sonic breakfast sandwiches. The tales that could be told about this trip are all sordid, no doubt, including an equally horrific and props-inspiring encounter during one stretch of bumper-to-bumper traffic during the hellish 10-hour drive home. But I'll save these yarns for later when they'll find their way into my "fictions".

Speaking of fiction, I've got a new story -- Ex Dictator on TMZ -- up at Weirdyear. After shit started going down in Egypt and Libya, I was watching my lovely friends the Kardashians and found myself thinking about how utterly different their lives and concerns are from say those of Gaddafi or Mubarak. Then I thought about what would happen if their worlds sort of thudded together like some messed up Claymation puppet creature. Then I grilled a lamb-burger and wrote. Then I realized that their worlds were maybe not so dissimilar, and that I spent too much time caring about Charlie Sheen.

And, because sometimes when I read something that is so completely badass I have to explain why it is so badass in more than 1,000 words, here's a review of Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz's "Hot Teen Slut" up at Used Furniture Review.